Dating

Talks

Quotes

Kissing is a means of getting two people so close together that they can’t see anything wrong with each other.- Rene Yasenak

It’s not my fault I’m single – I was born that way!

When a person opens his/her heart to you, you’re standing on sacred ground.

When it comes to body language, there are some who have better vocabularies than others. – Doug Larson

Advice to young ladies on a date: If you want to be his friend – act like a guy.  If you want to be his sweetheart – act like a girl.

Ask yourself this question:  When I get married, am I going to be faithful to my husband/wife?  Is seems incomprehensible to you that you would cheat on your spouse, right?  Now ask yourself another question:  Should I be faithful to my future husband or wife even before I know who he or she is?  I’m sure each one of you hopes your future spouse is being true to you now, and is saving those things reserved for marriage for you. Glenn L. Pace, Why? (Address delivered at Ricks College devotional, 24 Sept. 1991), 8.

“I always wanted to be the last guy on earth, just to see if all those women were lying to me.” Ronnie Shakes                                                                                                                                                                                                

It’s ironic that we rush through being “single” as if it’s some disease or malady to get rid of or overcome.  The truth is, most likely, one day you will meet someone and it will be gone.  And once it’s gone, it’s really gone!  Why does no one tell us how important it is to enjoy being single and being by yourself?  That time is defining and amazing and nothing to “cure.”  It is being alone that will actually set you up the best for being with someone else. – Drew Barrymore in her book Wildflower.

Be friends first and sweethearts second. Relationships between young men and young women should be built like a pyramid. The base of the pyramid is friendship. And the ascending layers are built of things like time, understanding, respect, and restraint. Right at the top of the pyramid is a glittering little mystery called romance. …Now you don’t have to be very smart to know that a pyramid won’t stand up very long if you stand it on its point and expect the point to hold up everything else. In other words, be friends first and sweethearts later, not the other way around. Otherwise, people who think they are sweethearts may discover they can’t be very good friends, and by then it may be too late (“The Gospel and Romantic Love,” Ensign, Oct. 1982,67).

You also need to consider your own mental health and that of a prospective spouse.  Do you both have stable personalities?  What kind of demeanor and temperament do you possess?  Do you keep commitments?  Are you easily depressed or do you have a chemical imbalance that you’re neglecting?  Is temperament important to you?  Could you live with someone who is sarcastic and of a critical nature, or someone who is unmotivated, or someone who is always stressed out?  Of course none of us know ahead of time how we will react to a number of events in marriage, such as parenthood, work schedules, health, stress, Church callings, etc.  We are simply saying here that temperament and critical natures do not change simply because we marry.  “What you see” in dating and courtships, is most likely “what you get” in marriage. (First Comes Love – Brinley/Ogletree pg. 47)

The greatest single factor affecting what you are going to be tomorrow, your activity, your attitudes, your eventual destiny….is the one decision you make that moonlit night when you ask that individual to be your companion for life.  That’s the most important decision of your entire life!  It isn’t where you are going to school, or what lessons you are going to study, or what your major is, or how you are going to make your living.  These, though important, are incidental and nothing compared with the important decision that you make when you ask someone to be your companion for eternity. Spencer W. Kimball, The Teachings of Spencer W. Kimball,ed. Edward L. Kimball (1982), 301.   First Comes Love – BrinleyOgletree  pg 58)

President David O. McKay once said, “During courtship we should keep our eyes wide open, but after marriage keep them half shut” (in Conference Report, Apr. 1956, 9). It appears that many couples are doing just the opposite; their eyes are half shut during the engagement period, as they consciously or unconsciously choose to ignore major warning signs and personality flaws in a prospective spouse or in themselves. (First comes Love by Brinley/Ogletree)

Most problems that seem so tiny before marriage become magnified after the ceremony.  Marriage is not a magical cure-all for problems that surfaced earlier in the relationship.  Too many betrothed couples are “suckered” into believing that once they marry, their new spouse’s personality will change because of their great love for that person.  However, after the excitement of the reception and honeymoon fades, they awaken to find that they are still the same individuals they were before the marriage.  – First comes Love by Brinley/Ogletree

“The most important decision you’ll ever make is who you marry.  You can take every other decision you’ll ever make, add them together, and it still won’t be as important as that one.  Suppose you choose the wrong job, for example.  With the right wife, that’s not a problem.  She’ll encourage you to make a change, cheer you on no matter what.” “You have to love her more than anything in the world.  But she has to love you just as much.  Your priority should be her happiness, and her priority should be yours.  That’s a funny thing – caring about someone more than yourself.  It’s not easy.  So don’t look at her as just an….object or as a just a friend to talk to.  Picture every day with the person.  Picture paying bills with that person, raising children with that person, being stuck in a hot room with no air-conditioning and a screaming baby with that person.” – Harlan Coben in The Final Detail pg.235

There’s one thing worse than being alone: wishing you were.  – Bob Steele

Whom you marry affects every day of your mortal life.  Where you marry affects every day of your life after that. To live in the highest degree of the Celestial Kingdom; to be exalted and spend eternity with your family, God, and Jesus Christ, you must receive the sealing ordinances. 

Find the best person that will have you.

If I were looking for a spouse, I would go to all the service project activities and see who showed up.

Sometimes in dating, we gather up our self-esteem and literally hand it to the other person saying, “Do with it what you want.”

ARITHMETIC:

 He’s teaching her arithmetic.  He said it was his mission.

He kissed her once, he kissed her twice, and said, “Now that’s addition.” 

And as he added smack by smack in silent satisfaction,

She sweetly gave the kisses back and said, “Now that’s subtraction.”

Then he kissed her and she kissed him without explanation,

Then both together smiled and said, “That’s multiplication.”

Then Dad appeared upon the scene and made a quick decision.

He kicked that lad three blocks away and said, ”That’s long division!”

                                                – Dan Clark

It is well for the girl with a future to avoid the man with a past.

Men learn to love the woman they are attracted to. Women learn to become attracted to the man they fall in love with. – Woody Allen

Measure twice, cut once.  Good advice for choosing a marriage partner.

The goal is not to marry fast, but to marry well.

Surround yourself with good friends.  Then you won’t marry out of loneliness.

One woman confiding to another “I don’t want a perfect man, just one with faults I like” – Betty Ortiz in Readers Digest

Regardless of whom you marry, you will have to spend eternity with yourself.

The problem in this church is that you get married for a long time.

We should take as few problems to the altar as possible because there are plenty that come afterwards.  Mark E. Peterson

Marriage won’t turn an unhappy person into a happy person.  A happy married person would have been happy as a single person.

Why is psychoanalysis a lot quicker for men than women?  When it’s time to go back to their childhood they’re already there.

What did God say after he created man?  I can do better than this.

What’s the best way to force a man to do sit ups?  Put the remote control between his toes.

Reason men marry: It’s the tender moments that a woman creates in the life of a man that he can’t create for himself.

Many years ago an Apostle of the Lord stated that “the most important single thing that any Latter-day Saint ever does in this world is to marry the right person in the right place by the right authority” (Bruce R. McConkie, Choose an Eternal Companion, Brigham Young University Speeches of the Year [3 May 1966], 2).

 “The most important step you have made or will make in your life is marriage. Its consequences are many, so important and so everlasting. No other decision will have such tremendous consequences for the future” (“Messages of Inspiration from the Prophet,” Church News, 30 Sept. 1995, 2

President Spencer W. Kimball “In selecting a companion for life and for eternity, certainly the most careful planning and thinking and praying and fasting should be done to be sure that of all the decisions, this one must not e wrong” (Marriage & Divorce, (pamphlet, 1976), 144)

“Considering the enormous importance of marriage, it is rather astonishing that we don’t make better preparation for its success. Usually, young couples date for a few months or for a year or two, enjoying romance and getting acquainted. But once they are married they soon learn that romance must blend with spiritual beliefs, in-law relationships, money issues, and serious discussions involving ethics, children, and the running of a home. Too many people are inadequately prepared for this lofty responsibility. ” 1 (First Comes Love – Brinley/Ogletree pg. 9)

It seems that most young couples spend more time planning their wedding that they do planning for marriage.  Sometimes it is only a few weeks into the marriage when a husband or wife will say, “I had no idea my wife/husband was like that.  He/she never did that before we were married.”

 It appears, for instance, that many young men are looking for Julia Roberts with a testimony. Although looks and physical characteristics may be important to some, they should not be the foundation stones on which long-term relationships are built. When stretch marks and wrinkles appear, when popularity fades, or when income is reduced, what strengths will be left? Cardinal traits such as kindness, consideration, empathy, commitment, spirituality, selflessness, and humility are paramount to marriage relationships, and they are portable-you can take them with you to the next life. (First Comes Love – Brinley/Ogletree  pg. 22-23)

Deciding who to marry is an adventure that generally can’t be rushed.  It can’t be made after only one or two dates even if you do find yourselves compatible in music albums and yogurt flavors. (First Comes Love – Brinley/Ogletree pg 59)

Why is marriage so important?  There is an attitude among a few single adults that they should wait until they are older to be married.  They simply do not have any urgency to marry.  Occasionally, you hear some singles spout antimarriage, or antifamily messages.  On one occasion, after a fireside speaker had addressed a group of young single adults on the need to be moving toward marriage, the individual who gave the closing prayer said, “Heavenly Father, we appreciate the message we heard tonight on marriage, but we are grateful that we are single!” Such individuals may not recognize that marriage, like baptism, is an essential ordinance of the gospel. When was the last time you heard nine- or ten-year-olds bragging that they hadn’t yet been baptized? Baptism is the covenant of salvation and is necessary to enter the celestial kingdom, while marriage is the covenant of exaltation and a requirement for admittance into the highest degree in that kingdom (see D&C 131:1-4).

Do not misunderstand. We are not pleading here for returned missionaries to marry a week after they are home. How long you have been home from a mission is not the issue. The days of mission presidents advising (or even challenging) their departing missionaries to be married within six months after they arrive home are long gone. In fact, a few years ago, the First Presidency authorized this statement in a Church bulletin:

It is entirely appropriate and desirable that priesthood leaders counsel returning missionaries on the importance of continuing to live standards that will lead to celestial marriage. It is considered unwise, however, to recommend or imply that the missionary should be married within a specified time period following his release. …the returned missionary should not feel pressured by specific time constraints in approaching this very personal, sacred, and significant decision (“General Announcement,” Bulletin, 1993, no.2, 2; emphasis added).

On the other hand, mature young adults should be ” anxiously engaged in a good cause.” Marriage is an obligation of every man who understands his duty and responsibility to initiate opportunities that lead to that ordinance. The Family: A Proclamation to the World states that “marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God and that the family is central to the Creator’s plan for the eternal destiny of His children” (September 1995) .God wants us to marry, if we can, just like He wants us to be baptized. (First Comes Love – Brinley/Ogletree pg. 59-60)

President Ezra Taft Benson counseled single sisters of the Church: “Do not expect perfection in your choice of mate. Do not be so concerned about his physical appearance and his bank account that you overlook his more important qualities. Of course, he should be attractive to you, and he should be able to financially provide for you. But, does he have a strong testimony? Does he live the principles of the gospel and magnify his priesthood? Is he active in his ward and stake? Does he love home and family, and will he be a faithful husband and a good father? (Ezra Taft Benson, “To The Single Adult Sisters of the Church,” Ensign, Nov. 1988, 96-97).

“Soul mates” are fiction and an illusion; and while every young man and young woman will seek with all diligence and prayerfulness to find a mate with whom life can be most compatible and beautiful, yet it is certain that almost any good man and any good woman can have happiness and a successful marriage if both are willing to pay the price. (The 1eachings of Spencer W Kimball, ed. Edward L. Kimball [1982], 306).

The test, then is to look at the strength of your friendship without physical affection or romantic imagery clouding your mind and heart.  If physical affection is the most important aspect of your present relationship, then you should be concerned about your reasons for being interested in the other person.  If affection is your primary motivation for being in the relationship, there is a danger that your romance is built primarily on physical attraction, which is a rather sandy foundation. (First Comes Love – Brinley/Ogletree)

On one occasion, President Marion G. Romney declared, “I know that God lives. Through my own experiences I have come to know of his spirit and his power. I know also that Satan lives. I have detected his spirit and felt of his power” (“Satan- The Great Deceiver,” Emign, June 1971,36). We are not used to hearing people “bear testimony” of Satan in a Latter-day Saint context. Nevertheless, there is a devil and he seeks to destroy our lives. He can keep you from accomplishing your earthly mission if he can trap you in the snare of immorality. Satan will do everything in his power to cause you to stumble, fall, and ultimately fail during your engagement if you are not on guard. Immorality is one of his prime tools. He does not want you to be worthy to attend the temple, much less have a temple marriage, for therein is power and protection to you. Once you are behind the walls of the holy house of the Lord, it will be more difficult for Satan to influence you. He knows that the dating and engagement period will be one of the best times to destroy you because you are already focusing on feelings of affection and love. You and your fiancé’ may become an easy target- like deer in the head- lights-on the opening day of hunting season!

When you consider the three most serious sins, it is certain that you will probably not be a son or daughter of perdition, and it is unlikely that you would be tempted to actually kill anyone (until you have your own teenagers). Thus, your most vulnerable spot for commission of serious sin lies in the third-gravest sin-sexual immorality. Satan knows that his window of opportunity-the time when you are most vulnerable-is during your engagement. President Boyd K. Packer explained, “[Satan] knows that if he can entice you to use this power prematurely, to use it too soon, or to misuse it in any way, you may well lose your opportunities for eternal progression” (in Conference Report, Denmark, Finland, Norway, and Sweden Area Conference 1974,83-84). As quoted in First Comes Love – Brinley/Ogletree.

Many engaged couples are unaware of Satan’s intentions. Perhaps they feel that he can have no influence over them. Maybe they even know other couples who have fallen, and yet they think they are immune to sexual transgression. They may feel that immorality is a temptation that others must contend with, but not themselves. However, immorality is no respecter of persons; infidelity is an equal- opportunity employer. No one, without the armor of the Lord, is exempt from such temptations and possible errors. It doesn’t matter who you are, what your position in the Church is, your grade point average, or whether or not you teach at the Missionary Training Center. All of us are susceptible to fall if we become careless. (First Comes Love – Brinley/Ogletree)

Common-Sense Guidelines

As an engaged couple, set common-sense guidelines to ensure that wisdom prevails in being together. A good rule to follow, for example, is that the two of you never go into a bedroom alone or lie down on a bed or couch together. Be careful about sitting in hot tubs or jacuzzis. A wise mother we know teaches her children that it is smart never to be alone as a couple late at night. Instead of sitting in the car and talking, or visiting in a bedroom or in a quiet area, it makes more sense to be in public places where you would feel awkward acting inappropriately. Talk together in a quiet restaurant, in a crowded building on campus, or in a lighted park area. Good counsel! Also, be sure to discuss and set time limits as to when you will be home at night. Eleven or eleven-thirty is a good time to be back in your own place. (First Comes Love – Brinley/Ogletree (pg 102-111)

We would suggest that you date for a sufficient period of time before you become engaged in the first place. An engagement is a serious step toward marriage and strong feelings of obligation develop once there is a ring on your finger. That is both good and bad. It’s good because it forces you to look carefully at the quality of the relationship that is progressing, and ensures that you don’t bailout at the least provocation. On the other hand, it’s bad because it is tough to break off an engagement. We don’t hesitate to say that a broken engagement (though often painful and embarrassing at the moment) is a successful engagement! Think of it this way. An engagement is a public declaration that you intend to marry. You notify everyone of your decision by placing an announcement in the newspaper. That notifies everybody that you are both off limits to further outside dating. However, if during that time of magnifying your personality and character traits with each other, you see negative things that were hidden in the heady days of dating and earlier courtship, please have the courage to break off the relationship. (Temperament that borders on, or is, abusive; money management practices that include major amounts of frivolous debt; and spiritual or mental weaknesses including a shallow testimony, hypocrisy, or unwillingness to have children, take a job, obtain an education etc., could be examples of major shocks that surface only after you become engaged.) In such cases, it is wiser to break off the engagement before marriage than to believe you can change your partner after the wedding. Many who are now divorced deluded themselves on this last point.

Before becoming somebody’s wife…Before becoming somebody’s mother….Become somebody!