Forgiveness

Talks

Quotes

Jesus Christ died so that the men who killed him could receive forgiveness and live with him forever.

He who takes offense should put it back before the cows get out.

David A. Bednar said,  “One of the greatest indicators of our own spiritual maturity is revealed in how we respond to the weaknesses, the inexperience, and the potentially offensive actions of others. A thing, an event, or an expression may be offensive, but you and I can choose not to be offended—and to say with Pahoran, “it mattereth not.”

Carrying a grudge is a loser’s game.  It is the ultimate frustration because it leaves you with more pain than you had in the first place.  Recall the pain of being wronged, the hurt of being stung, cheated, demeaned.  Doesn’t the memory of it fuel the fire of fury again?  Do you feel that hurt each time your memory lights on the people who did you wrong?  Your own memory becomes a video tape within your soul that plays unending reruns of your old rendezvous with pain.  Is this fair to yourself – this wretched justice of not forgiving? Lewis B. Smedes:

I would like to make it clear that forgiveness of sins should not be confused with tolerating evil. In fact, in the Joseph Smith Translation, the Lord said, “Judge righteous judgment.” The Savior asks us to forsake and combat evil in all its forms, and although we must forgive a neighbor who injures us, we should still work constructively to prevent that injury from being repeated. A woman who is abused should not seek revenge, but neither should she feel that she cannot take steps to prevent further abuse. A businessperson treated unfairly in a transaction should not hate the person who was dishonest but could take appropriate steps to remedy the wrong. Forgiveness does not require us to accept or tolerate evil. It does not require us to ignore the wrong that we see in the world around us or in our own lives. But as we fight against sin, we must not allow hatred or anger to control our thoughts or actions. – David E. Sorensen May 2003 Ensign

Since I can’t feel love for this individual, I will try to feel the love the Savior has for this individual and display that until I get my own. (Corrie Ten Boom and the German guard in The Hiding Place)

Elder Kevin R. Duncan The Healing Ointment of Forgiveness April 2016 Conference:

“Gratefully, God, in His love and mercy for His children, has prepared a way to help us navigate these sometimes turbulent experiences of life. He has provided an escape for all who fall victim to the misdeeds of others. He has taught us that we can forgive! Even though we may be a victim once, we need not be a victim twice by carrying the burden of hate, bitterness, pain, resentment, or even revenge. We can forgive, and we can be free!

I am convinced that most of us want to forgive, but we find it very hard to do. When we have experienced an injustice, we may be quick to say, “That person did wrong. They deserve punishment. Where is the justice?” We mistakenly think that if we forgive, somehow justice will not be served and punishments will be avoided.

This simply is not the case. God will mete out a punishment that is fair, for mercy cannot rob justice (see Alma 42:25). God lovingly assures you and me: “Leave judgment alone with me, for it is mine and I will repay. [But let] peace be with you” (D&C 82:23). The Book of Mormon prophet Jacob also promised that God “will console you in your afflictions, and he will plead your cause, and send down justice upon those who seek your destruction” (Jacob 3:1).”

Holding a grudge is like swallowing poison hoping that the other person will die.

Forgiveness doesn’t mean:

I trust you

I don’t hurt

I’m done healing

I won’t take legal action

I condone what you did

It only means I won’t let you ruin another single day of my life.

Once on a railway journey my father unintentionally perpetrated some slight infraction and was unmercifully bawled out by a minor train employee.  I was young then and hotly told my father afterward that he should have given the man a piece of his mind.  My father smiled, “Oh” he said, “if a man like that can stand himself all his life, surely I can stand him for five minutes.” – Anonymous

To carry a grudge is like being stung to death by one bee – Williams H. Walton

One of the most lasting pleasures you can experience is the feeling that comes over you when you genuinely forgive an enemy – whether he knows it or not. – O. A. Battista in Quote Magazine

There are times when forgetting can be just as important as remembering – and even more difficult – Herry Mier

Forgiveness was the first step in rebuilding our marriage.  But in order to go forward, day by day, we also had to rebuild trust – and forgiveness and trust are two different things.  Forgiveness is a grace that is freely given to the offender by the one who’s been offended.  It’s a gift.  But trust has to be earned.  Rebuilding it takes changed behaviors continued over time.  My forgiveness of Alan didn’t mean that I was blind, or had my head stuck in the sand.  As we moved forward, I didn’t just want nice words.  I wanted to see real changes in what Alan did.  I wanted to see different actions, so I could reasonably expect different outcomes. (It’s All About Him by Denise Jackson)

He that cannot forgive others breaks the bridge over which he himself must pass if he would ever reach heaven, for everyone has need to be forgiven.”  George Herbert

Eye for an eye and tooth for a tooth – leaves us blind and toothless – “Fiddler on the Roof”

The only way to heal the pain that will not heal itself is to forgive the person who hurt you.  Forgiving heals your memory as you change your memory’s vision. When you release the wrongdoer from the wrong, you cut a malignant tumor out of your inner life.  You set a prisoner free – yourself. – Forgive and Forget (Harper and Row)

Just as hate hurts the hater worse than the hated, so does love bless the lover more than the loved.

Two powerful books on forgiveness: Let it Go by Chris Williams and The Peacegiver by James L. Ferrell. 

7 excellent talks on forgiveness

“Forgiveness” Gordon B. Hinckley Nov 2005 pg. 81 Ensign

“The Healing Power of forgiveness” James E. Faust May 2007 pg. 67

“Nothing shall offend them” David A. Bednar November 2006 Ensign

“Choosing to Forgive” – Benjamin F. Call Ensign January 2014

“The Savior Wants to Forgive” – Elder Craig A Cardon – April 2013 Conference

“Personal Strength through the Atonement of Jesus Christ” – Richard G. Scott Oct 2013

“Clean, Reclaim, and Sanctify Our Lives” – Shayne M. Bowen Ensign November 2006

If we could read the secret history of our enemies, we would find in each man’s life sorrow and suffering enough to disarm all hostility. – Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

My young niece was staying at our house.  She told me, “I don’t like beans.”  I suggested, “Well try them. You may learn to like them.”  She replied, “But I don’t want to like them.”  It’s the same with forgiveness.  Sometimes we don’t even want to forgive someone who has wronged us. – Shannon Williams

Forgiveness is difficult because we all feel that “life should be fair.”  We feel that there should be a great equalizer in the universe.

 President Brigham Young once compared being offended to a poisonous snakebite. He said, “There are two courses of action to follow when one is bitten by a rattlesnake. One may, in anger, fear, or vengefulness, pursue the creature and kill it. Or he may make full haste to get the venom out of his system.” He said, “If we pursue the latter course we will likely survive, but if we attempt to follow the former, we may not be around long enough to finish it.” 

As victims, if we are faithful, we can take great comfort in knowing that God will compensate us for every injustice we experience. Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin stated: “The Lord compensates the faithful for every loss. … Every tear today will eventually be returned a hundredfold with tears of rejoicing and gratitude.”

As we strive to forgive others, let us also try to remember that we are all growing spiritually, but we are all at different levels. While it is easy to observe the changes and growth in the physical body, it is difficult to see the growth in our spirits.

One key to forgiving others is to try to see them as God sees them. At times, God may part the curtain and bless us with the gift to see into the heart, soul, and spirit of another person who has offended us. This insight may even lead to an overwhelming love for that person.

The scriptures teach us that God’s love for His children is perfect. He knows their potential for good, regardless of their past. By all accounts, there could not have been a more aggressive or harsh enemy of the followers of Jesus Christ than Saul of Tarsus. Yet once God showed Saul light and truth, there was never a more devoted, enthusiastic, or fearless disciple of the Savior. Saul became the Apostle Paul. His life offers a wonderful example of how God sees people not only as they currently are but also as they may become. We all have, in our own lives, Saul-like individuals with Paul-like potential. Can you imagine how our families, our communities, and the world at large might change if we all tried to see each other as God sees us?

Too often we look at the offender the way we would look at an iceberg—we see only the tip and not beneath the surface. We do not know all that is going on in a person’s life. We do not know their past; we do not know their struggles; we do not know the pains they carry. Brothers and sisters, please do not misunderstand. To forgive is not to condone. We do not rationalize bad behavior or allow others to mistreat us because of their struggles, pains, or weaknesses. But we can gain greater understanding and peace when we see with a broader perspective.

Certainly those who are less spiritually mature may indeed make serious mistakes—yet none of us should be defined only by the worst thing we have ever done. (The Healing Ointment of Forgiveness by Elder Kevin R. Duncan, April 2016)

David Bednar said, “If a person says or does something that we consider offensive, our first obligation is to refuse to take offense and then communicate privately, honestly, and directly with that individual.  Such an approach invites inspiration from the Holy Ghost and permits misperceptions to be clarified and true intent to be understood.” (“And Nothing Shall Offend Them, October 2006 General Conference)

“You and I cannot control the intentions or behavior of other people.  However, we do determine how we will act.  Please remember that you and I are agents endowed with moral agency, and we can choose not to be offended.” – David A. Bednar

Kevin Duncan said, “I am convinced that most of us want to forgive, but we find it very hard to do. When we have experienced an injustice, we may be quick to say, “That person did wrong. They deserve punishment. Where is the justice?” We mistakenly think that if we forgive, somehow justice will not be served and punishments will be avoided.

This simply is not the case. God will mete out a punishment that is fair, for mercy cannot rob justice (see Alma 42:25). God lovingly assures you and me: “Leave judgment alone with me, for it is mine and I will repay. [But let] peace be with you” (D&C 82:23). The Book of Mormon prophet Jacob also promised that God “will console you in your afflictions, and he will plead your cause, and send down justice upon those who seek your destruction” (Jacob 3:1).

As victims, if we are faithful, we can take great comfort in knowing that God will compensate us for every injustice we experience. Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin stated: “The Lord compensates the faithful for every loss. … Every tear today will eventually be returned a hundredfold with tears of rejoicing and gratitude.”

The scriptures teach us that God’s love for His children is perfect. He knows their potential for good, regardless of their past. By all accounts, there could not have been a more aggressive or harsh enemy of the followers of Jesus Christ than Saul of Tarsus. Yet once God showed Saul light and truth, there was never a more devoted, enthusiastic, or fearless disciple of the Savior. Saul became the Apostle Paul. His life offers a wonderful example of how God sees people not only as they currently are but also as they may become. We all have, in our own lives, Saul-like individuals with Paul-like potential. Can you imagine how our families, our communities, and the world at large might change if we all tried to see each other as God sees us?

Too often we look at the offender the way we would look at an iceberg—we see only the tip and not beneath the surface. We do not know all that is going on in a person’s life. We do not know their past; we do not know their struggles; we do not know the pains they carry. Brothers and sisters, please do not misunderstand. To forgive is not to condone. We do not rationalize bad behavior or allow others to mistreat us because of their struggles, pains, or weaknesses. But we can gain greater understanding and peace when we see with a broader perspective.

Certainly those who are less spiritually mature may indeed make serious mistakes—yet none of us should be defined only by the worst thing we have ever done. (Kevin Duncan “The Healing Ointment of Forgiveness,” April 2016 General Conference)

Deep down you may be thinking, “Yeah, but you don’t understand what I’ve been through.  No one comprehends my pain. No one understands my individual situation.”  And you’d be right – I probably don’t understand the pain you have felt.  But I know someone who has.  When Jesus Christ suffered in Gethsemane, he felt your pain.  The pain you are feeling in this moment.  And the ironic thing is that while he was feeling your pain – to the point that he bled from every pore – he was simultaneously paying the price for the person who hurt you. Think about that!

I am not asking you to forgive.  He who suffered in Gethsemane and hung on the cross is asking you to forgive.  He knows that it is the only way for you to feel peace.  Not only that, but each one of us desperately needs the Atonement of Jesus Christ.  Who are we to say that His sacrifice applies to us but not to another individual?” – Shannon Williams

Even if you are not able to forgive now, I hope that you at least want to forgive.  At least prepare a place in your heart so that when forgiveness comes, it has a place to go.

David A. Bednar said, “When we believe or say we have been offended, we usually mean we feel insulted, mistreated, snubbed, or disrespected. And certainly clumsy, embarrassing, unprincipled, and mean-spirited things do occur in our interactions with other people that would allow us to take offense. However, it ultimately is impossible for another person to offend you or to offend me. Indeed, believing that another person offended us is fundamentally false. To be offended is a choice we make; it is not a condition inflicted or imposed upon us by someone or something else.

In some way and at some time, someone in this Church will do or say something that could be considered offensive. Such an event will surely happen to each and every one of us—and it certainly will occur more than once. Though people may not intend to injure or offend us, they nonetheless can be inconsiderate and tactless.

You and I cannot control the intentions or behavior of other people. However, we do determine how we will act. Please remember that you and I are agents endowed with moral agency, and we can choose not to be offended.” (David A Bednar, “And Nothing Shall Offend Them,” October Conference 2006)